I remember Sara
by Emma-face
Summary: post LD, Sara's in a coma but she's NOT dead.  People from her past and present share their memories of Sara Sidle
1. Prologue

Lying in that hospital bed her skin was a deathly shade of pale, the only colour apparent on her body was the brownish hint of dried mud that still remained trapped under her finger nails from where she had been clawing at the ground just trying to escape. Numerous tubes and wires made their way into and out of her fragile body, a machine standing in the corner of the room bleeped with every beat of her heart while another hissed with every breath she took. She looked weak, helpless, lifeless even. This was not how they remembered Sara.

She had been unconscious for almost a week now. Grissom remained at her bedside only leaving when he was forced to go eat or shower by one of the team members. They visited her in the hospital almost every day, hoping that one day they would arrive to find that she was awake. They would gather at her bedside, those with beliefs preying to their God that she would pull through.

This was not the Sara they were used to, their Sara was full of fiery, a force to be reckoned with. As they stood around her hospital bed they begged for that fire to spark inside her and bring her back to them. Trying desperately to remove the lifeless image of her in the hospital bed, or the horrid image of her trapped beneath that car, they remembered the good times; recalling the good memories they had of Sara.


	2. Laura Sidle

Her mother 

I remember Sara, my first born, my little angel; my princess. She was such a good baby, so placid, she hardly ever cried; she was strong and tough even then. She was beautiful too. She had her grandmother's soulful brown eyes and with them she had the ability to make any heart melt, even if she didn't know it.

She was clever as hell too. Her teachers would always comment on how smart she was, "Smartest in the class!" They would tell me every parent's night. She loved school, she loved to learn. I used to worry about her because she never really mixed with the other children; she preferred to sit alone in her room reading. She loved to read.

But that doesn't mean she didn't have friends, she did, lots of them. As she got older she started to go outside to play more. She was probably just trying to get away from the house; I can't say I blame her.

Sara was my baby girl. I loved her with all my heart. I was so proud of her, I hope she knew that. I would have done anything for her. I did what I did for her, to protect her. He could do what he wanted to me but he wasn't going to hurt my baby girl.

Yeah, I remember Sara Sidle.


	3. Sara's father

Her Father

I remember Sara Sidle. Spoilt little princess she was. Her mother's fault that, she spoiled her rotten gave her anything she wanted anything she asked for. Left it up to me to discipline her; typical of Laura not wanting to be the bad guy, that always was her weakness – she wanted to make everyone happy.

She was a bookish little brat too! Always up in her room with her precious books. Laura would always praise her for her reading, "She's so clever! She's going to really make something of herself!" She would always gush on about how all the teachers said Sara was the smartest in the class. But I told her, I told them both, you can't become something when you come from nothing!

I used to say to her "Why don't you have any friends? Maybe you would make some if you got your nose out of these books!" She would just look at me, same lost eyes as her mother had. In the end I just took the books off her and told her to go outside and not come back until dinner.

As she got older she got more disobedient; also her mother's fault – she wasn't hard enough on her. Got real angry too, challenged me a couple of times; I had to put her in her place. Little brat wasn't so tough when she was on the ground. Laura didn't take it too well that I was disciplining the girl, figures, like mother like daughter they always say. If the bitch needs a good slap to keep her in line then it's likely the pup will too.

But the stupid girl never learnt, in the end it was up to her mother to stick up for her.

Yeah, I remember Sara Sidle.


	4. Social Worker

The Social Worker

I remember Sara Sidle. How could I forget a case like that? It was a terrible, terrible tragedy. It was even worse that the poor child was there, she had to see the place in that state...It was just so bloody. I remember taking her from then place; she was crying, calling after her mother. Poor thing, she was terrified and so young too.

I took her straight to the foster home; allowances are made in special cases like this. She clung to my hand the entire time, holding on so tight her little knuckles turned white. She was young but she had wits beyond her years, she seemed to understand what was going on too. She looked at me through these big brown eyes and questioned me. She wanted to know where she was, where her mother was, when she would be able to go back to her mother. Those eyes were so sad and scared; I couldn't bring myself to answer half of her questions. Tragic, it really was.

She was moved from home to home until her emancipation. The first few homes she got into a bit of trouble but she soon settled in. It was like she had accepted her fate. She stopped getting into trouble but she never really took to or got close to any of her foster parents or siblings; she preferred to be alone, self preservation probably.

I remember the last time I seen her, not long after her 18th birthday, she came by to collect her emancipation certificate. Same brown eyes as before but there was more thought hidden behind them now. She seemed to know exactly where she was going and what she was going to do, she was definitely going to make something of herself.

Yeah, I remember Sara Sidle.


	5. Foster Kid

The Foster Kid

I remember Sara Sidle. The girl whose mother stabbed her father, or at least that's how she was known in the beginning. Word travels in places like these, no matter where she went by the time she got there every one already knew about her past.

We were all curious curious, it's only natural to be curious. Everyone wanted to know what it was like, watching someone get killed. Most of us asked about the blood and the knife but she wouldn't answer our questions; she just sat there completely silent, staring back at us. She never spoke about her family or what happened in her house but she would always flinch when one of the foster parents yelled. Eventually we all lost interest and found new things to talk about.

Sara was kind of weird; she was quiet and kept to herself, which is generally the best way to be when you're in a foster home but she was extra quiet. She was always reading too, or doing homework. A lot of kids tried to get her to do their for them, but she never would, however if you ever needed help, she would be the first to give it. She was really smart.

Growing up she got teased a little in school, she was tall and kinda gawky and with that gap between her front teeth a lot of the other kids made fun of her. But she didn't cry and whine about it, like most other girls do when they get teased. She never got upset, she got angry. She was tough; she could take on most guys in school in a fight and beat them. She got into trouble a few times for fighting. Once they realised she wasn't going to take it they soon stopped teasing her and after puberty hit she started to receive a lot of male attention, but she never really had much time for them; Sara kept people at a distance.

The day she left the system was the last time I saw her. She seemed changed that day, like she realised that she was now in charge of her own life. Knowing Sara she probably knew exactly what she was going to do. She was really weird but I kind of missed her when she was gone.

Yeah, I remember Sara Sidle.


	6. Professor

The Professor

I remember Sara Sidle. One of the brightest young women I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. She had a great intellect and a keenness to prove herself. I had never seen such drive in someone her age before, it was remarkable really.

She was more than willing to learn, always looking out for extra classes and constantly asking questions; this girl just couldn't get enough. And yet, unlike in so many other cases, her eagerness to learn did not alienate her from her classmates; in fact she interacted with them fully and had many friends.

She had a keen interest in Science and Maths, she majored in physics. She could have done anything but she had already decided she wanted to become a crime scene investigator. I never pushed her to find out why, but when I learnt of her background, I guess it all made sense. She seemed to have done a lot of research into the career and I had to admit it was the kind of job that suited her.

I remember the day she graduated, with honours, usually it's the last time you ever see a student but not Sara. She kept coming back for seminars and further courses and every time she returned she would pay me a visit. She was a sweet girl.

Yeah, I remember Sara Sidle.


	7. Best Friend

The best friend

I remember Sara Sidle. I met her in my freshman year of college; she was the first person in the entire school to be nice to me. I had a late start to the year because I'd been in hospital having surgery and because of this a lot of people didn't want me as their lab partner; like they thought I would bring down their performance and cost them a grade, but not Sara. She offered to work with me, even leant me her notes and offered to go over the work I'd missed. She was a very kind person.

After that we became good friends, even moved in together in second year into a little apartment off campus. She was so proud of that place; she kept it spotlessly clean and added her own personal touch to it where she could. I didn't see the big deal, for me it was just student accommodation, my home away from home, but for her it seemed to be something different but I never asked her about it; I didn't want to pry. She was a very private person.

She could always make me laugh, even when I didn't want to; she had a great heart. Whenever I needed her, she'd be there for me. She would comfort me and then take me out to cheer me up. We had some wild nights together back then, that girl knew how to party. Never one to back out of a night out. I couldn't have asked for a better friend.

When we left college we kept in touch, weekly phone calls and frequent messages and e-mails at first but eventually it faded down to the odd phone conversation and e-mail. She never forgets my birthday though, every year without fail there's always a message and a bouquet of flowers delivered to my door.

I'll always look back at my time in college as one of the best times of my life and I know a big part of that is down to Sara.

Yeah, I remember Sara Sidle.


	8. exboyfriend

The ex-boyfriend

I remember Sara Sidle. Massive brown eyes, creamy white skin and legs that went on forever. She was gorgeous. Not only that but she was top of almost all of her classes. She was intimidating as hell, beauty and brains, she could have had any guy she wanted but I don't think she knew that. I remember my knees shaking when I asked her out. She didn't know how brilliant or beautiful she was, she was always putting herself down; low self esteem I guess.

When she said yes I think my heart did a cartwheel or something and then I started to panic about the date, but there was no need, we hit it off immediately. You know those dates you go on that you know you will remember until the day you die; that was my first date with Sara Sidle. We went out for almost a year after that and it really was great except, well, I never really felt like she trusted me. She always kept me at a distance, like she didn't want to get too close or something, I never really pushed it though, I just felt lucky to be with her.

Sara had this quality about her that you couldn't help but love. One look from those chocolate coloured eyes and I would have done anything for her. I really had no choice but to love her. I think she was actually the first person I really loved.

We broke up after graduation, our careers were taking us in different directions and neither of us were prepared to sacrifice our careers for the relationship. She was as stubborn and strong willed as I was; another one of the things I loved about her. I don't know if she ever thinks about me, I don't know if she even remembers me now; she's probably married to some rich successful man and has a bunch of kids running around the mansion. But I remember her, I still think of her sometimes. I think about her and wonder, what if?

Yeah, I remember Sara Sidle.


	9. Old Boss

The old boss

I remember Sara Sidle. Out of all the applicants I interviewed for the CSI post Sara Sidle was the one that impressed me most. When I told her she got the job she jumped straight into it. She never seemed out off by any of the images or smells or even the bugs, she took it all in her stride, always asking questions wanting to know why as well as how. She took to being a CSI like a duck to water. Passed all her proficiency tests first time round. Was constantly reading forensics textbooks and magazines, she wanted to know everything there was to know.

She was thorough, left no stone unturned and always saw a job through to completion. Maxed out on overtime every month, was always willing to cover a shift for someone; she seemed to love what she did. She rose through the ranks faster than I ever seen anyone rise before, within a year and a half she had already made it to CSI: 2 status. She was a damn good CSI too, she had a knack for science and a thirst for justice too.

She had real empathy for the victims, I suggested to her that she try to maintain distance and for the most part she did, except when it came to domestic violence cases. Those really seemed to throw her, she always ended up getting personally involved in them, I didn't know why; she never shared and I never asked, it didn't make her any less of a brilliant CSI.

The day she left for Vegas we lost one of the best CSI's these labs have ever seen. I told her that her job would always be available for her if she ever came back. I just hope Vegas realised how lucky it was to have gotten her.

Yeah, I remember Sara Sidle.


	10. Neighbour

The neighbour

I remember Sara Sidle. I was so glad the day she moved into the building. I mean this is Las Vegas after all and I just felt safer knowing there was a cop living next door. She always told me that she wasn't a cop that she was a scientist but I saw the badge I knew what she was. I think she was afraid I was one of those cop haters.

She was such a sweet girl; always called me Mrs Nelson, no matter how many times I told her to call me Liz. She was a good neighbour, quiet and helpful. She was always willing to help me with things I've gotten too old to do. Truth be told I worried about her a little; she was always at work and I don't think she got nearly enough sleep. They work her too hard down in that place. I'm convinced they were taking advantage of her good nature.

Then there was that nice boyfriend of hers. He was older than she was, very handsome; if I were a few years younger she would have had some competition. They were a very nice couple. I remember this one time there was a huge spider in my bathtub and I screamed so loud they came running over to see what was wrong. I told them about the spider and he was nice enough to get rid of it for me. He refused to kill it though, he was jabbering about how it was an unusual species and mentioned taking it home. He seemed to be interested in bugs, he was speaking a lot of Latin. She must have a lot of patience, or a lot of love for him, to put up with those creepy crawlies.

When she moved out I was very sorry to see her go. I assume she moved in with that bug man, I'm so happy she found someone. Good looking girl like her, she should have been snapped up long ago. I just hope he realises how lucky he is to have such a sweet girl. Before she left she gave me her new home and cell phone numbers and told me if anything ever happened to call her.

Yeah, I remember Sara Sidle.


	11. Nick Stokes

Nick

I remember Sara Sidle. She was hot as hell. Long legs, quirky smile, she had a fiery personality too. I won't lie I fully intended to ask her out but then when Grissom asked her to stay in Vegas I decided not to. It's not a good idea to date someone your work with. But that didn't stop her flirting with me.

As a CSI she was damn impressive; smart as hell. It was kind of intimidating if I'm honest. When I found out she was a CSI II I couldn't believe it. She was so young; she looked like she was barely out of college. But there was no denying she was good at her job and she loved it, maybe a little too much sometimes. Sometimes she'd let a case get personal and it would really affect her. She always maxed out on over time too.

The more we worked together the closer we got. In the end I felt like she was another one of my sisters, only one that I liked and actually got along with. Sara was not only a great CSI but also a great friend too. When she settled into the team she started to join me and Warrick for our breakfast and beers after shift ritual, it was great getting to know her better outside work. She was so much fun to just hang out with; she had a great sense of humour, always made me laugh.

After that DUI incident it was different though, she stopped coming out with us and become kind of withdrawn. I tried to talk to her about it but she just shut me out; she didn't like to talk about herself or her feelings or her past. I guess she just had a few issues, but I mean who doesn't?

Eventually though she returned to her old self and everything went back to normal. After my buried alive incident Sara was great. She talked me through my counselling and always checked to make sure I had gone, she was a great listener. I remember for like two months after they rescued me she would call me every day to make sure I was ok. Sara was thoughtful like that. When the team was put back together everyone noticed the change in her. I guess that PEAP counselling really worked for her; she was noticeably happier, she laughed more, hell she even went home on time. She was back to being the good old Sara that we all loved. It was great to have her back.

Yeah, I remember Sara Sidle.


	12. Greg Sanders

Greg

I remember Sara Sidle. She was the most beautiful being I'd ever seen walk through the CSI labs. Long legs, brown eyes, shiny brown hair, she could light up a room with that smile, she was a breath of fresh air; I was in love and painfully. She was smart as well and feisty too. I tried to ask her out god knows how many times but it never really took. I guess she just wasn't interested in me that way. But she still had this, power over me; I would have done anything for her, still would.

Eventually though, I got over my all consuming crush on her and we became great friends. She really was a great friend; she was always there for me anytime I needed her. When I told her I wanted to move out of the lab and go into the field, she didn't laugh like Nick or Hodges; no she supported and encouraged me and did everything she could to help me get out there.

When I finally did make it out into the field she took my under her wing and taught me everything she knew. She was patient but not patronising, supportive but not overbearing; she was a great mentor, like the kind of mentor I always wanted Grissom to be. I don't think I ever thanked her properly for everything she did for me.

After my attack it was Sara who came to comfort me. She arrived at the scene and sat down at my side. I couldn't see but I knew it was her; she had that smell, the Sara smell. She told me was off the clock; she had came to see me. She stayed by my side until they loaded me into the ambulance and then she was the first to come visit me in the hospital. She helped me explain things to my mom. She helped me home from the hospital; she was great. I couldn't have asked for a better friend.

I like to think I knew Sara better than the other guys on the team, well at least a little bit. I think I saw more of the outside of work Sara than anyone else. She was a really special person. Truly one of a kind and I know I feel lucky to have ever met her let alone consider her a friend.

Yeah, I remember Sara Sidle.


	13. Warrick Brown

Warrick

I remember Sara Sidle. I'll be honest and say we didn't exactly get off on the right foot what with her being brought in to investigate me and everything. I'll say one thing about her though, she was very thorough in her investigation and unwavering in her findings; I did have to respect her for that. We had some problems at first, she wasn't too pleased about Grissom disregarding her results and keeping me on the team and well, there was some tension between us for the first few months, I mean that girl has some temper, but things worked out in the end.

In actual fact I kind of owe her for helping me face up to my gambling problem. If she hadn't dragged it out into the open I probably never would have faced up to, hell it probably would have just gotten worse; it could have been the end of me.

The more I worked with Sara the more I got a chance to see how brilliant she actually was. I understand exactly why Grissom brought her on to the team. She was a great CSI, hard working and dedicated with an intellect for science and a thirst for justice. Working with her was always fun, we could challenge each other intellectually with our different theories; it was a nice change to the way Nicky and I used to challenge each other with bets on a case. She would question everything until she found and answer and until she got one, she was a force to be reckoned with.

Once we got over our differences I got the chance to know her personally too. She would join Nicky and I for breakfast after shift and it gave us all a chance to relax and hang out outside of work. She had some sense of humour, dry and slightly dark and sarcastic but she was funny as hell. She was a great listener and she gave pretty great advice too, though she tried hard to keep that news from getting around. She was a great person, she helped me out a lot and I'm proud I could call her a friend.

Yeah, I remember Sara Sidle.


	14. Catherine Willows

Catherine

I remember Sara Sidle. We didn't exactly get off to the best start. She was coming in to investigate our team and put Warrick in the firing line, so I wasn't exactly welcoming to her. As much as I hate to admit it I was a little jealous of her too. She was brilliant, intelligent and cunning and she didn't take any crap either. And to top it all out she was basically just out of college; she impressed me. I totally understand why Gil asked her to join the team, other than his fondness for her; that's why I wouldn't let him allow her to leave. She was too good to lose; that man just needed to pull his head out of his ass.

After the initial hostility faded and I started to see Sara as a co-worker rather than a threat we got to know each other a little better. She started to seem more like a friend. We still had our run-ins, we're both very strong willed women so it was inevitable that we would lock heads at some point but she was always able to put it behind her.

When she got suspended after one of our arguments I felt a little guilty but I wasn't going to get myself suspended too. Sara's problem was that she let herself get too involved in her cases, especially those involving abuse. She would go crazy and I worried about her; maybe I didn't have the best way of showing it though. When she came back after the suspension though she was back to her old self. She seemed happier and more content in her job. We started to get along better than we ever had before.

Sara was an amazing person as well as an amazing CSI. She was strong but also sweet and she had a great heart. She would do anything for the people she cares about and anyone who can call her a friend is one lucky person.

Yeah, I remember Sara Sidle.


	15. Jim Brass

Brass

I remember Sara Sidle. She was Grissom's handpicked CSI protégé and I have to admit she completely lived up to her reputation. I think I was the only one who had heard of her before she came to Vegas, Grissom had mentioned her name a couple of nights after one too many beers, he told me that she was brilliant and beautiful but he never told me anything more than that.

When she took the job and moved down here to Vegas, I sort of showed her around. She didn't exactly get off to the best start with the rest of the team what with her being brought in to investigate Warrick and everything and Grissom was too busy trying to settle into his new supervisor's position so he asked me to do it.

She was a nice kid. She was interesting, smart and funny; she had an attitude mind you but she had a good heart. I grew really fond of her, started to see her like a daughter. She told me she never really had a family growing up and that I was starting to feel like a father to her. It felt nice that I could be a kind of father figure to her that I never was to Ellie.

After my shooting Sara visited me almost as much as Sofia and definitely a hell of a lot more often than Ellie. When I started to get back on my feet Sara would sneak me in some food from the diner because she knew I hated hospital food. She was thoughtful like that; would have done anything for someone she considered a friend.

I remember when I found out about her and Gil's relationship. I called over to his house for something, it's funny I can't even remember what it was now. Whatever it was he brought me inside to wait while he went and got it. It was clear from the moment I walked through the door that he wasn't living alone anymore the house definitely had a woman's touch to it. I was getting ready to interrogate him about his mystery woman when I spotted a picture in a frame on the mantle. I moved over to examine it and was completely shocked when I did. There they were framed in silver in an unmistakably romantic embrace in a park somewhere. It was a beautiful picture.

When he came back my jaw was still on the floor, I couldn't find words to ask him how long or when or any of the other questions that were racing through my head. He just smiled at me and said "So now you know! Sara you might as well come out now." When she came out of the kitchen she had the biggest smile on her face. She was happier than I'd ever seen her before and he was too. I promised them I'd keep their secret and offered them my sincere congratulations. I later informed Gil that he was a lucky man to have got her. Sara was a great girl. I would have been proud to call her my daughter.

Yeah, I remember Sara Sidle.


	16. Gil Grissom

Gil

I remember Sara Sidle. There's no way I could ever forget her. From the first time I saw her breezing into that lecture theatre, those long legs carrying her as though she walked on air, I knew there was something special about this girl. During that first lecture she asked dozens of questions and every single one of them was poignant and relevant, something you don't get a lot of at these college seminars. Her brains, her beauty; she had me captivated. When she stayed behind after the first lecture to ask me further questions, I seized my opportunity and asked her to join me for coffee – so I could answer her questions, of course.

There was something so refreshing about her presence and personality; explaining things to her made me fall in love with forensics all over again. She was young and incredibly gifted; she was definitely going to go far. I tried to spend as much time as possible with her during my three day stay at the university. Parting was not sweet sorrow, it was just painful; I didn't want to leave her, I wanted to stay, I wanted to bring her with me, anything as long as I got to spend more time with her.

But I had my job, my career in Vegas to think of and she was getting ready to start hers in San Francisco. In many ways I was envious of her getting to experience everything for the first time; she was so excited about it. I knew I had to let her go, but we promised to stay in touch and she remained true to her words; we shared frequent e-mails and occasional phone calls but eventually even those subsided and communication became less frequent.

She was the first person who came to mind when I needed an external, impartial CSI to investigate Holly's death. She had barely been out of college 3 years and already she was a CSI II, I was highly impressed. After she handed in her case report she was ready to head back to San Francisco and that's when I did something irrational and probably a little selfish; I offered her a job and asked her to stay. I knew I probably shouldn't have, but I needed her. I justified it to myself by convincing myself I was helping her out, acting as her mentor and giving her the chance to work at the number 2 crime lab in the country but the truth was I just couldn't bring myself to let her go. We definitely have better labs and resources than they do in San Francisco, after a while I even managed to convince myself that that was the reason she stayed.

Over the next few years though I pushed her away, sounds crazy doesn't it, I had asked her to pack up her life and move out to Vegas because I couldn't face being away from her again and first chance I get I push her away anyway. I don't blame her for hating me for that; I hate me for doing that. I treated her unfairly and all because I was afraid, terrified of getting too close and losing her.

The Debbie Marlin case brought it all out for me. She looked exactly like Sara, for a few horrifying moments I thought that's what I was looking at, my Sara, lying dead on the cold bathroom floor. I couldn't shake that feeling. I had to solve that case, I didn't take a break, I didn't sleep I had to find out what happened to this woman.

When we caught the killer it was like my worst nightmare realised. He was a surgeon and she was a nurse, he was her superior and she was so much younger than him, they had been involved in a relationship. Eventually she left him and he couldn't take it, he killed her and her new boyfriend. That's when it really hit home for me because that was exactly what I was afraid of; getting close to Sara and then she would leave me for a younger or even just a better man and I would be left devastated, destroyed, broken. I knew there was no way I could deal with something like that. That's why I had pushed her away for all these years using my work, my career, my reputation as an excuse.

It wasn't until she got arrested for a DUI that I realised how bad I had let things get. That's when I realised I had no clue what was going on in her life anymore. I had asked her to come here then I had shut her out leaving her with no one. That's when I finally stopped keeping her at arm's length, pulled myself together and tried to help her. I knew as well as she did that alcoholism wasn't her problem so I arranged for her to see a PEAP councillor in the hopes that it would help her in the way I knew I couldn't. And for the most part it did.

Things between us started to go back to the way they used to be; witty back and forth, playing on each other words, entire conversations that only we understood; it was nice to have that again. Although there was still a lot about her I didn't know, there was a lot she was keeping from me. It was only when she blew up and Catherine and Ecklie that I got a glimpse into her world, into her pain.

I called at her apartment to find out what the hell was going on with her but nothing could have prepared me for what I was about to find out. She tried to brush me off but I persisted. I wasn't leaving until she told me what was going on with her. When she finally did I didn't know what to say. She curled up in a chair in her living room and told me about her harsh childhood, about the abuse and the anger and the hate.

She told me about how she was taken into foster care when her mother finally snapped and killed her father. I took her hand as she cried through the memories and did the only thing I could do to help; I listened to her, told her to let it all out. As those tears fell down her cheeks I wanted so desperately to kiss them away, to take all her pain away, to hold her tightly in my arms and promise her that everything would be ok. I just couldn't find it in myself to do it; I was still a coward.

Ecklie was pissed at her, he wanted me to fire her but I wouldn't do it. I couldn't do it. I still needed her, besides she hadn't really done anything that the rest of us didn't secretly want to do. I kept her on the team and kept a close eye on her at all times; not out of fear, out of concern and a desire to keep her safe for the rest of her days. I failed though.

We were working together on a case in a mental home; it was a tough case involving the murder of an inmate, a crazed killer and his incestuous mother. I left her alone in that room with him for 2 minutes and in those 2 minutes I almost lost her. He had her by the throat, a shard to her neck ready to slice it open. I yelled at the guard to open the door, cursing him for being so slow, praying that she would be alright. I've never felt so helpless in my whole life as I watched them through the glass. That image still haunts me in my nightmares. I offered to have her replaced by another CSI but she declined. She always saw her cases through regardless of how tough they were.

After that night when I almost lost her I decided I wasn't going to let anything else stand in the way. That night I went to her apartment and told her how I felt, I told her how much I loved her and how sorry I was for all the pain I'd put her through. I didn't expect her to forgive me right away but she did. I didn't think I deserved her forgiveness but she gave it to me graciously.

After that every single piece of spare time I had I tried to spend with her. She was like a drug and I just couldn't get enough. We'd only been seeing each other for 6 months when I asked her to move in with me. I didn't want to wake up one more morning in my bed without her lying beside me. My only regret was waiting so long to tell her how I felt. I curse myself for wasting so much time running scared, for putting us both through so much hell; we could have had so much more if I hadn't been so foolish.

Sara Sidle was the best thing to ever come into my life. She amazed me with her strength and her talents. She astounded me with her elegance and her empathy. She completed me with her heart and soul. She understood me in ways that I didn't even understand myself. She helped me remember to be a person as well as a scientist. She made me the happiest man on the face of this earth by being the only person I wanted to share it with. I feel lucky everyday that I can call her my partner, my equal, my better half and hopefully one day my wife.

Yeah, I remember Sara Sidle.

**A/N: **_Yeah Grissom's chapters a lot longer than everyone else but he has a lot more to say! _


	17. Epilogue

Sara

It's funny, the things you remember and the things you don't. Someone once told me that the mind has its filters; well mine must be working overtime. A lot of bad times have happened throughout the course of my life; I was abused by my father, I watched my mother kill him when it all got too much for her, I was taken away from the only person in my life who loved and put into foster care, because of all that I was teased in school, I moved to Vegas and was rejected by the man I moved for, the man I loved and then to cap it all off when we finally got together a psychotic killer kidnapped me and trapped me under an upturn car. And yet, my mind choices not to remember all of that. It filters it out.

The bad things still come through every once in a while, I'll get insecure or a case will bring up bad memories, but for the most part it only remembers the good things. I have to remember the good things or I'll go crazy. It's funny, considering everything that has happened that I still consider myself one of the luckiest people alive.

For one thing I'm lucky to be alive; the doctors say if I hadn't been found when I was found I probably wouldn't have made it through. Not only am I alive, but I have a lot to live for. I have a job that I love and that I'm good at. I have wonderful friends; friends who worked arduously to find me, friends who waited by my bedside in the hospital waiting for me to wake up, friends who I know will be there for me anytime I need them. Friends who I am thankful for everyday of my life.

I have a wonderful husband, who I love with every piece of my heart and who loves me in return. A man I would do anything for and who would do anything for me. A man who refused to rest until he found me. A man stayed by my side the entire time I was in that hospital bed (the nurses told me they had to threaten to call security in order to get him to leave for an hour.) A man who makes me endlessly happy and who took my hand in front of all of our friends and vowed to spend the rest of his days making me endlessly happy. A man who I can't live without and who told me he wouldn't have been able to live without me.

Together we have a beautiful daughter and a son on the way. We live in a very happy home filled with lots of love. Our children know they are loved, not just by us but by our wonderful friends as well, our 'extended family'. Together we're making many happy memories, to make up for all the bad ones in our minds.

In my life I have learnt that when something bad happens, it's important to remember the good times or the bad times will consume you. It's just difficult because that's when the good things are hardest to see. With the help of my friends, my loving husband and our little angels I've managed to put all the bad things in my past and move forward. I've managed to make many happy memories to carry me through. At the end of the day, life is made up of memories and at the end of it all, memories are all that will be left of you when you're gone, so make them beautiful.

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**A/N: **I hope you all enjoyed the ending of the story, sorry to those of you hoping for a tragic endng - I just couldn't bring myself to write it, even when the idea was in my head lol

Thanks to everyone who took the time to read my story and a big thanks to everyone who bothered to review!


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